Tag Archives: Theology of the Body

What We Mean by “Sacred Embrace”

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Posted by Christine Burrows

Contrary to popular belief, modern Catholics do not think of sex as bad, shameful, or sinful. In its proper context, Catholics love sex, so much that we regard it as sacred. Ours is a counter-cultural faith, and this is Exhibit A.  For those of you unfamiliar with The Theology of the Body, this is a brief primer to whet your appetite.

It may help to begin by stating clearly what Theology of the Body is NOT.  It is not about the casual, recreational, self-focused sexual encounters portrayed in contemporary media.  It is not about the objectification of women that fuels the pornography industry.  It is not about “scoring”, “getting off” or any of the other vulgar measures of our cultural self-degradation.

The Theology of the Body is the fundamental Catholic teaching on human sexuality, borne of the writings of Pope John Paul II.  The Pope began this work in 1979 and devoted five years of his pontificate to helping us understand God’s word as it relates to sex within sacramental marriage between a man and a woman.  Few Catholics are aware of it or can claim to any real understanding of it. (Not surprisingly, even fewer people outside the church have even heard of it.)  Which is a shame, because it is a beautiful, intensely intimate portrait of what God intended for us before The Fall.

  • Christopher West is a contemporary expert on Theology of the Body, having spent years unpacking it and presenting it in everyday English to those of us who don’t have the time or talent to fully understand John Paul II’s words.  Check out his videos and books at www.christopherwest.com. 
  • At the core of Theology of the Body is the truth that God gave men and women complementary bodies, and that “our bodies tell a story, the most beautiful story imaginable.” (Christopher West). Our bodies are uniquely designed and have special characteristics which give us the ability to unite physically and to procreate.
  • A second important premise to Theology of the Body is that we are all searching, longing for something. As Catholics, we believe this longing is to understand and embrace our God-given purpose: to know, love and serve God on Earth and to live happily with him forever in Heaven.
  • When we put together these two basic premises, we see that sex (so intimate, intense, and with the miraculous potential for new life) may actually be a way to quench that longing. The problem with lots of the sex that’s happening today is that it’s distorted, selfish, and incomplete – and has little to do with living out our purpose on Earth. It may satisfy a physical longing, but it doesn’t come close to satisfying our deepest longing to know, love and serve God.
  • Theology of the Body teaches us that sexual intercourse (the marital embrace) is a unifying act between a man, a woman AND God. It is an act of faith, open to God’s will and intervention. Not simply an opportunity to feel good in one another’s physical company, nor the means to getting pregnant. It is a sacred bond that gives us a glimpse of heaven, the uniting of our bodies in accordance with God’s word and his plan for us. It requires trust, submission, the love of one another and the love of God. It is a spiritual encounter of the highest order.

WOW!! That’s heavy stuff, and truly just a teaser. There’s more, much more. Stay tuned here, and dig deeper elsewhere. I dare say that once you “get” Theology of the Body, you will begin to change your entire worldview.  Moral issues will become clearer. Relationships will become more important. And selflessness will become a daily goal. Just imagine if… when… we ALL get it!

Can I have an “AMEN!”

Where is the Love?

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I remember a guy I knew in college (in the mid ’80s) saying very cavalierly that the last thing he thought about when he was having sex was love. At this time, the sexual revolution was in full swing: The Pill was more common than a multi-vitamin and virginity was becoming a derogatory term. Women were encouraged to be assertive and open with their sexuality. And men were enjoying readily available sexual encounters.

What happened to the love and sex connection?

My thought is that the connection between love and sex was more frequently present before the sexual revolution (and the increased availability of contraception) mostly because there was vulnerability and risk involved in having sex with someone. Birth control minimized this risk, and enabled men and women to hook up without the worry of getting pregnant – or without the openness to it. But, did the vulnerability really disappear? Isn’t being naked in the presence of another a vulnerable experience? Doesn’t working out the awkwardness of sexual intimacy involve being vulnerable? What about communicating about fears, desires, and anxieties? Sadly, these feelings have been dismissed in the name of “free sex”. Often couples enter into sexual relations without ever communicating about these feelings and concerns – and without feeling love – because they CAN. By that, I mean that they can because they don’t have to worry about getting pregnant (even if they do still have to worry about other things such as STDs and simple awkwardness.). What happens then is that all those feelings go untended, and the sex can be more alienating than unifying.

Sacramental marriage reconnects sex and love. It reserves sexual intercourse to marriage, and calls couples to be open, vulnerable, and submissive to one another and to God. This kind of trust in God’s plan involves an intimacy that requires deep, open love. These couples who are open to God’s plan for their marriage don’t fret about risks and vulnerability because they trust God.  While love for another can exist outside of marriage, the fullness of marital love can only be realized when husbands and wives consummate their marriage with openness to life.

As the sexual revolution devolves into commonplace, we need a counter-revolution to restore the relationship between sex and love. I say we start one marriage at a time. Are you with me?

Posted by Christine Burrows

 

Marriage: What’s God got to do with it?

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Contributed by Christine Burrows.

Last night Peter (husband) and I were flipping channels and landed on a sit-com called The New Normal.  We caught the last ten minutes of it which culminated in one of the lead characters (a male) proposing marriage to his (male) partner in a candlelit room while the surrogate mother carrying a child for them was hooked to a sonogram device – so that their baby could witness the engagement.

Before I comment further, let me say that watching this scene reminded me of a very real situation of a close college friend of mine. About eight years ago, her brother-in-law asked her husband to provide sperm so that he could become a father. The brother-in-law paid both an egg donor and a surrogate, and wanted to use his brother’s sperm so that he could make a child that was closely related to him through DNA. Since then, my friend’s brother-in-law has made four children, using his brother’s sperm and the sperm of his partner, donated eggs from different women, and rented wombs from other women.

Both of these situations – in TV Land and in the Real World – seem so far removed from what God had in mind for us in the sacrament of marriage. It saddens me to think of all the hoops people will jump through in their pursuit of the “right” to parenthood. It saddens me just as much when I think about how many other people are being used so that these men (but it could be anyone) can call themselves “married” and “parent”. Two thoughts on this:

  1. The gifts of our spouse and our children are truly gifts from God, and therefore holy. Holiness can’t be bought, designed, or manufactured. It has to be sought through relationship with God, and this requires submissiveness to God’s will. Homosexual partners who believe they want marriage can’t be fully submissive to God because their sexual union doesn’t have the capacity for life.
  2. When we forget about marriage and parenthood as reflections of God’s love, we think we can manipulate people and situations to earn titles and roles. While there may be love and good intentions at the heart of these pursuits, there is no submission to God’s will. And, I dare say, there’s no seeking holiness.

So that I don’t end on a soapbox, let me give a few shout-outs to some married holiness-seekers:

  • Let’s give it up to Sarah and Gary for submitting to God’s will to welcome another little Galvin to the world!
  • What about that McGonigal clan for generations of submission and holiness-seeking through marriage and family-building!
  • And to all that have answered the call to holiness through true, unselfish partnership in marriage, I pray for you because I know its sacrificial and difficult at times. Stay the course! It’s making God so happy and He’s got great things in store for you because you’ve answered His call.

Three Weddings, …

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Three Weddings, a Funeral and a Banquet

Just over five weeks ago, I witnessed a small slice of Heaven when my third daughter was married at St. Matthew’s Catholic Church.  Three of my four daughters have now received the Sacrament of Marriage, and my wife Denise, our families and friends have all experienced three special insights into Heaven-the eternal banquet, the eternal wedding feast!  And my three daughter and their husbands now share in a special fraternity-millions of couples united with Christ in a covenantal marriage.

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Today marks the 60 anniversary of my parents wedding.  Sadly, however, my mom passed away on September 22nd, just 12 days shy of this tremendous accomplishment.  But I believe that the glimpse of heaven she had on October 4, 1952 is now within her grasp-she has become part of that banquet.  And I am proud of her and my father for living out this sacrament for 60 years, through five children and all the responsibilities of their care and upbringing.

Denise and I have been married for over 33 years, have four children, three sons-in-law, and one fantastic grandchild.  We continue to marvel about all the blessings we have received these 33 years, blessings that far outweigh the occasional sorrows.  And we continue to believe that the daily grace we receive from the Sacrament of Marriage constantly nourishes our relationship with each other, with our family and friends, and with our faith.

My hope for this blog is that, coupled with the one-day retreats that we offer at Our Lady of Mt. Carmel, and the continuing education for married couples planned for our parish, that every couple reaches and exceeds that milestone that my parents missed by only 12 days.  And that ultimately the brief snapshot of Heaven we received on our wedding day becomes a panoramic reality for us when we sit down at the heavenly banquet promised to us.

Peace to all of you!

Joe McGonigal