Four Ways to Be a Better Spouse

Here we go again, with an article borrowed from Huffington Post.  This one has a semi-Buddhist flavor to it, which is a switch from our usual fare.  Unfortunately for you, this fact reminds me of the only Buddhist joke I know, in which the Buddhist says to the hot dog vendor on the streets of New York, “Make me one with everything.”  Wait for it…  Anyway, since the article refers to I Corinthians, I thought it would fit in our blog.

PsychiatristBrandy Engler is a clinical psychologist and the author of The Men on My Couch: Stories of Sex, Love and Psychotherapy.  Her recent post, “Four Ways to Love Better” visits a recurring theme on this blog, namely, rather than seeking the right partner, we should BE the right partner for our spouse.  As most people married more than once will attest, in the absence of abuse–physical, mental, drug–the grass is rarely greener on the other side. We bring most of our relationship problems with us; if we’re capable of cheating on one spouse, we’re obviously capable of cheating on another, etc.

Engler does not specifically address marital love in this post; rather, she points us toward a wider, more inclusive love of the world and the people in it.  This is a very Christian attitude from a writer who strikes me as not overly, or overtly, Christian.  But by inference, we are to include our spouses in this view.  And if you can guess her four prescriptions for being a more loving person, well, you’re better at this stuff than I am.  YOU should be posting on this blog.



“Give Me What I Need”

Today at Mass our pastor gave a homily about greed and material items and how we seem to need it when in reality we want it.  Our pastor went onto say that his friend would oftentimes give up a petition after a rosary asking God to “grant him only what he needs; not what he wants”.  This would be a challenging prayer for any of us because maybe what we need isn’t exactly what we want.

There’s Someone Out There for Everyone

Then after Mass I struck up a conversation with a fellow who I have not met before.  During the conversation he indicated that he just ended a relationship with his girlfriend and was back at Church looking for direction.  We’ve all heard the saying “there is someone out there for us” well if we try to find that person by ourself with no help from God we will miss the chance of meeting who God intended us to be with.  But if we, like this fellow I met, look to God to guide us then we will find that person we need to be with.

I was moved by this short conversation with this fellow and I applaud him for seeking direction from God and Church.

~God Bless


*image courtesy of